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Tear-less

just because.
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Post O Levels

2 min read
O Levels ended on the 16th of November, but honestly, it ended a while before because the last 3 papers were a week away from the previous paper and they were just the paper ones, multiple choice questions. I mean they give you the answer so picking it out is mainly.. common sense and good luck. I did study a little, but not much, and only a few days before the paper ones.
Overall I guess they went well. There wasn't really a paper where I broke out in a cold sweat or got some sort of sudden anxiety or fear that I wasn't able to answer any of the questions. I remember being really nervous for one of my SPAs, and my teacher came round and told me to relax and calm down. It was very nice of her.
Anyway I wasn't very stressed... I didn't study as hard as I did for mid years. I got 10 points for mid years and 12 points for prelims which isn't so bad. I guess it could be better, but my older sister got 13 for prelims but 7 A1s for her O levels. I have hope! Honestly though, I don't think I'll get 7 A1s. maybe 6. It sucks because I didn't get an A1 for Chinese but like everyone else did. Not really. But my sisters did.

The thing is I was really anticipating after O levels because I thought I would do all these cool things and change myself, but I don't feel any different. It's even worse because I fell sick. Which is like the worst misfortune. FALLING SICK ON THE DAY YOUR MAJOR EXAMS END. So not fair.

The break we get is not as long as I would like it to be. I hope I achieve what I've sort of planned for in this time.
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Pointless, because they are usually forgotten. But hey, in the spirit of new years.
Anyway, a list would probably help me out, give me some directions for a new year.
I remember someone saying that every new year we can start afresh.. but not just new year, but every week, day and even minute. Wow.. but year is something monumental. Is it?

1. I would really like to be more organized and responsible.
2. I want to be more healthy and fit
3. I want to improve in art skills (painting, photography, digital painting, writing)
4. I want to define my identity
5. I want to learn lots of cool new trivia (now, there's one I can keep to..)
6. I really want to study hard and do well for O Levels, get at least 7 A1s. (although, I won't find out till 2013..)
7. I want to be more social and outgoing. I want to. Really.
8. I want to mature and become more honest. With myself, mostly.
9. I want to learn the guitar. and play it well.
10. Persuade my mom (or dad) to allow us to have a cat
11. Make decisions more wisely.
12. Experiment with makeup.
13. Hm... try shopping online?
14. oH OH OH COSPLAY!!! COSPLAY!!!
15. and because I have to... pass my violin exam.


I can't really think of many more. These are the main ones. Others are just tiny habits.
2011 has been a good year for me... I learned a lot, improved a lot. Although actually people miss the past because they only remember the good parts and forget the bad ones. But I don't think anything that bad has happened to me in 2011. Maybe exams? I didn't do as well as I hoped, but actually, I did okay. Just that I set relatively high standards for myself? I only do it because I know I can achieve it, but I don't because I don't work hard enough...
so that should be a resolution... work harder, you lazy bum.
I'll miss 2011. It has been a good year. I cut my hair to very short, above shoulder level. The last time I had that was what... when I was...6? Don't remember. I got new spectacles. I guess I've changed a lot since last year, got a lot more optimistic and happy. For the most part.
But actually, I'm really looking forward to 2012. You know, I have a lot of really big things going on next year. Okay, just one. O levels... what you spend majority, if not all, of your secondary school life preparing for. Actually, I really like learning. The syllabus and what not. But more stuff outside the syllabus, what I'm actually interested in. Okay.
I guess I want more of a life, and to be unrestrained and free to do what I like. Yeah. Recently, I feel very held back... that is all.

I should also want to become more comprehensible. I realise that what I wrote above is a bit broken... because I follow my thoughts... nevermind.


10 mins to 2012...
Happy new year !!! :D


Claudia
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Somebody has kindly gifted me a premium membership anonymously. Well... whoever it is, thank you. I will use it well :)
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I probably really shouldn't be especially given that no one really reads these, but I'm going to write a journal entry anyway.
There's usually quite a lot on my mind, but when it comes to writing it, there's like... nothing to write. Chinese oral is coming up and I don't feel very prepared... today my tuition teacher told my sister and I that we had improved and are becoming more fluent in Chinese oral-wise, but I still feel as though on the day, I'm just going to be stuck because of nerves...
Oh yes, we were talking about Singlish as an oral topic. gr. We all agreed that Singlish sounds really terrible. DOESN'T IT?! I mean, it's jarring and guhhh disgusting sounding.
In sec one, classmates came up with this hypothesis or thesis statement or whatever : "Singlish is part of our heritage and we should preserve it." Coming from EDUCATED people, who DON'T SPEAK SINGLISH THEMSELVES. I didn't really understand. In fact, I don't understand... I took one look and thought ,"Um, no, it's not." I'm glad I speak well. I find it weird that people would be proud of Singlish when in fact... you can't understand it unless you speak it...
Singlish isn't even a word. As I'm typing now, the little dotted red line is highlighting all the "Singlish"es.
Well, I'll keep the rant short. And while I'm on the topic, I hate it when people type stuff like "U" and "ur"... you know, those abbreviations. If you can call them that. I don't know, it makes people seem cheap and uneducated and it's generally coupled with bad grammar. I don't know. And the "YOU'RE" and "YOUR" thing! [insert some kind of exclamation of horror]! I'm not even going to go into that. Okay. I'll really finish the rant here.

I feel like a new person... I was thinking about what a different person I am from when I was young. I feel like I'm growing and maturing and learning. Every day.

On a side note... I greatly dislike (I won't say hate!) Taemin's new hair... I wish he kept the red one for... forever... haha.
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Lately...

2 min read
Happy Youth Day. I spent my youth Day sleeping mostly. I woke up at perhaps 11.30 or so. Mostly drawing, on the computer, tidying up my desk area (it's so clean now! I should have taken a before and after pic... I also discovered that I hadn't taken out my money from my hong baos from CNY I am now $X richer!)
As I was tidying I discovered some really old stuff (maybe from a couple of years ago, or just last year). It struck me that now I'm already so different - I feel like I've been growing mentally, changing my thought process. Thoughts from those times, I can remember them, but that person doesn't exist anymore.... and [i] am a better person for it, I think.
I don't know what I aim for right now. Right now, I just want to get better, improve myself as a person. In the future, I want to be able to say, "I've led a good life."

Something simple. Something glamorous. Something happy.
beloved... hm.
When all this becomes a distant memory... I wonder who I'll be...

Best just to mull over it for a while... I'll reach a conclusion...
make a list, maybe.
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